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Thursday, July 7, 2016

A Race

A week or so ago, I needed to get out of the house.  I had itchy feet and I knew I needed to drive.  I just needed to drive somewhere, it didn't really matter where.

Accompanied by the vocal stylings of Bret Michaels (Poison 4everrrrr), I rolled down the windows on my miniv...*ahem*, crossover vehicle, and turned up the radio.  I just started going south.  I drove south, out of the city, winding past close-set houses, until I got further out.  I started passing by wide, lush lawns, huge homes set far back from the road, and kept going.  I drove until I ran out of asphalt.  I live in Kansas, so it actually didn't take as long as you'd think.  Then, I took a left, and another right, and drove south again until I ran out of asphalt.  Slowly, I turned around and meandered home, taking another route, past houses I'd never seen before.

My life's motto!
Every once in a while, the only fix my poor, wanderlusting heart can get for the gypsy feeling is to just go.  I beg my husband to go on Sunday drives, but he's not as fond of wasting gas as I am, I guess.  Occasionally, I get the opportunity to run away, just for a half hour, or maybe a few hours, or even just 10 minutes.  I don't want to escape my life, but I need to run out of my skin for a minute.  I need to feel the wind and see the countryside.  I need to blast my radio and sing out loud.  Sometimes, I need to chase the sunset...or sunrise.  Depends on the day.

In the midst of my drive though, I realized that one of the last times I did this, I had to turn around rather quickly and go back to familiar territory.  My anxiety belted itself into my passenger seat and mocked me.  It scowled as I took off and cringed the further away from my home I got.  When I got to an area where the land rose and became hilly, it wound itself up as tight as a coiled snake and its tail started rattling.  I knew I couldn't make it.  I knew that it was going to bite me.  So, I turned around.  I looked at my piteous self in the rearview and I drove back home, defeated.

This time was different.  My heart soared and I kicked anxiety to the curb like the unwanted hitchhiker it was. I outran my skin that day and for a few moments in time, I was happy.

Life is what you make of it and I am taking my gypsy heart for a ride more often.  I'm making a life that is no longer consumed by anxiety.  I hope you get the chance to outrun your fears, even just for a moment.

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