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Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Tuesday 5: I'm still alive!

Hey lovely readers!  All of you that managed to stick around after I have alienated you for the last several months.  I'm sorry, y'all.  I'm really sorry, but I have found myself appallingly uninteresting lately and instead of subjecting you to my dull self, I have refrained from writing full stop.  I guess I should at least try to get back up on that horse, but my fat ass is gonna have a hard time lifting itself up into the saddle.

We'll start out nice and slow, with a little Tuesday 5 to let you know I am, in fact, still here.  No in memoriam for me, at least, not yet.

I'm still a dullard, but I'm YOUR dullard on duty, got that?  *snicker*  Duty.

Anyway, here we go!

1)  So, I finally watched Trainwreck last week and I have to say, I had probably one of the most improbable reactions to it.  I cried.  A lot.  Like really, a lot, to the point where my husband asked me if I was crying in a voice that sounded like he was really weirded out by it.  I was weirded out by it.  I'm still not fully sure why I was crying, but I think it may have had something to do with a conversation Amy had with the good doctor toward the end when she was admitting her vulnerability.  Full on tears flowing.  I'd like to say that was out of character for me, but well, it's not.

2)  I am not a touchy feely, super emotionally in touch person.  I close myself off a lot and try to project a slightly intimidating exterior, if only to save myself from questions.  However, I cry at a lot of things.  I cry at commercials, I cry at Youtube videos of dogs being reunited with their military service family, I cry at that scene in Anne of Avonlea when Anne Shirley turns down the rich dude.  I cry at a lot of important things too, though.  I don't know that I've cried harder at a movie than I did while watching Hotel Rwanda.  It's a true story, people!  TRUE.  STORY.  Full on sobbing for half an hour after it was over.  Watch with caution.  Someone at work asked me why I baked so many damn Christmas goodies this year and I told them it was to fill a small void in my cold, cold heart.  I guess what I'm saying is that I feel big emotions in GIGANTIC ways and even though I am a hardass sometimes, it's not without some deep thinking and some compassion that I make certain decisions.

3)  I received an adult coloring book in my stocking this year.  I am excited, because I haven't just sat and colored in years.  My daughter is going to lend me her gel pens for use and I cannot wait to try it out!  I was the OCD kid that outlined the picture, inside each separately lined area before coloring in the middle.  I actually won a contest at Easter when I was 6 through a local Wal-Mart because my picture was the one they chose as the best colored.  I won a plastic wheelbarrow that was chock full of Easter candy and a huge fluffy pink bunny.  We broke the wheelbarrow that same night, pushing each other full speed around the dining room.  Whoops.

4)  Currently reading a book called The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown and cultivating a lot of deep thinking during it as well.  The sisters are all named after Shakespearean heroines and all come back to their parents' home when they find out their mother is ill.  I am engrossed.  That is what I will be doing as soon I post this sucker up.  The book is outstanding so far and the sisters all read constantly.  It makes me want to gather up a thousand books and get lost in the words.  Reading is the bees' knees y'all.  Bee's knees?  Eh, one or all of the bees may be thrilled.

5)  My husband and I are two big nerds who saw Star Wars VII:  The Force Awakens on opening night Friday (not to be confused with premiere night Thursday).  We really, really enjoyed it and I have a lot of questions now.  Love the new characters and I am excited with the way it's headed.  Our priest gave a homily that included Star Wars that gave us some insight into our viewing.  He said that George Lucas is Buddhist or admires the tenets of Buddhism and that one of the central beliefs is that everything is cyclical.  That helped me absorb a bit more of the story.  I do have several nits to pick over the movie, but overall was satisfied.

How about all of you?  How have you been since I took my mini-break?  I hope everyone has had a spectacular holiday season and are ready to be mentally refreshed in the New Year.  I know 2016 will keep me on my toes.  Thanks for reading and I appreciate any time you share this page with friends.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Tuesday Random 5: Debbie Downer edition

1.  So, this one's depressing. I had to euthanize my dog, Bear, Monday morning. He hurt himself Thursday and I took him to the vet Friday night. They diagnosed him with osteosarcoma  (bone cancer) that metastasized to his lungs and bowel.  There wasn't much they could do, so we decided to bring him home for the weekend, spoil him, and let him go.   I already miss that loveable dude so much. It is weird not to see him. He was a beautiful dog, half German Shepherd, half retriever, and he loved kids. He used to sneak out of the gate and run off over night. At first, I was so worried something would happen to him, but every single time, he would be sitting on our porch the next morning. He always knew to come back home.
2. I have had high anxiety days, today and yesterday. At mass tonight, I really thought I was going to pass out.  Last night, I made Rick keep his arm around me all night. I slept like shit and I feel kind of depressed. Please say a special prayer for me, if you do that kind of thing. I think it will be another long night tonight.
3.  I am officially the office Grinch. I always kind of have been, but it was solidified today. My coworker who sits right next to me put up lights outside of her cubicle and someone suggested that they string lights all down the aisle. I politely suggested they skip over mine. I got a weird look from my supervisor.  I am sorry, but my work is not my life and I am not going to make it all cozy, because it is not the be all end all. I just want to do my job and go home.  *sigh*
4.  I received an email from a case worker in one of the local offices today that convinced me she is barely literate. It was truly appalling. Who sends an email full of shorthand and no capitalization or evidence of grammar to a coworker? So bizarre.
5.  I know it is the depression and anxiety, but I just want to sleep right now and it's not even 8:30. Yikes.
Have a better week friends.