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Thursday, October 1, 2015

My child would be...

My child would be 4 1/2 now.  My favorite age.  They would be saying funny things and singing silly songs.  We would be reading a book to them every night and tucking them in with a sweet kiss on their head.

My child was one of the 15 to 20 percent of all pregnancies in the United States that ended in a miscarriage.  I was only 7 or 8 weeks along.  I didn't even know I was pregnant until I miscarried and honestly didn't realize right away that I had miscarried.  I have two stepchildren and have never been able to get pregnant again.  

My child would be in preschool.  I would have picked them up and seen the smile spread across their cherubic face.  My child would have given me sticky kisses and grabbed my hand with dirty hands of their own.  

But, my child is none of those things.  My child instead is in heaven and every day I wonder how different my life would have been had I not miscarried.  My child will never be an adult, a teenager, a bride or a groom.  I will never get to wrap my arms around them.

Now though, I will speak up and speak out.  I lost a pregnancy.  I am one of those statistics and if you are, too, you don't need to be silent.  15 to 20% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage.  That's a lot of women and men suffering from losing a child.  October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.  It happens more than most people realize and it isn't shameful.  There is support.  Please reach out if you need it.

Until then, I pray for your babies and you.  If you believe, know that one day you will be reunited with that child.  My child would be 4 1/2 right now, talking and laughing and scraping their knees.  Instead, they are in heaven and I am here, holding on to hope.

Give love.  Be kind.

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