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Saturday, May 9, 2015

Mom's Day Rant

I hate commercialized holidays.  Okay, maybe hate isn't the right word.  I intensely dislike them with the passion of a thousand burning suns.  Is that more accurate for you?

As you can see, this makes the holidays I do celebrate somewhat limited.  It also makes me feel a little guilty this year, because well, I'm a stepmom and I did get an actual gift for Mother's Day.  It was something I had suggested for just such an occasion to my stepdaughter when we were out shopping one day. 

I resent such a day being corrupted by the odious machinations of a world in which people are practically shoved into a Hallmark store, thrust a dozen roses, and forced into making a reservation for brunch at some chichi place, thereby spending a sum total of half a paycheck in order to make me feel secure in the fact that I am okayish at taking care of two needy teenagers who thankfully haven't yet told me they hate me and I'm not their mother.  

I loathe to celebrate a day in which I am told mothers are the bestest and do the haaaaardest jooooobs in the most gratingly whiny voice, then spend the next 5 minutes berating their deadbeat husbands and complaining they only got a stupid card.  

My Mom, sister, and I.  I'm in front, sis is in the back.
Mom's a hottie, yo.
I am not wont to participate in a day in which fathers blog about how much their wives are worth to make sure they get half the internet to praise them for FINALLY being the ONE man to understaaaaaaand us.  I am not a fan of the needlessly endless list of hats mothers wear that people tout to somehow absolve themselves from any guilt over not really wanting to have kids.  Or, I don't know, maybe they do it because they really feel like mothers are that unacknowledged, even though it seems like this time of year we are inundated with the exact opposite of that?  Sorry, but throwing together PB& J doesn't make you a chef any more than gluing feathers to your butt makes you a bird.  Likewise with someone saying they are a nurse when all they did was spray some Bactine and slap on a bandage.  

I'm not discounting that mothers have difficult jobs.  My Mom raised 7 of us, all hardheaded, Type A personality children.  She and my Dad were and are, great parents.  My Mom is a saint for the times she held back a few choice words about her dumbass kids and their dumbass decisions.  She is also admired and respected for the times she let loose and let us have it as well.  My Mom makes the best pot roast (like candy), loves bargains, and has the WEIRDEST answers in Scattergories.  I won't even play the game unless she and my brother Eric are both playing, because they have some crazypants thoughts!

My siblings and I constantly refer to her 'Momisms' because well, how do I say this politely Mom?  She is smart, but sometimes tends to the flighty and forgets obvious things.  Love you Mom!  

My Mom is a great one and I am so thankful for her, so for a day like tomorrow, I will take the time to acknowledge that my Mom is pretty awesome.

I will never profess to be the hardest working or best at mothering.  I came upon this fate by marriage.  I have even heard people say that I am not really a mother, because I didn't have a kid myself, I just have stepkids.  To them I say, F*&@ off!  Mothers aren't magically nurturing because they squeezed out a kid.  Mothers are made, through hard work, sacrifice, lots and lots of alcohol, crying, prayers, and nightmares.  I'm not a mother because I didn't birth the two humans who take up space at our table and take half the money.  I'm a mother because I stepped in, stepped up, and gave a shit.  

I don't need roses or a card or brunch.  I don't need no stinkin' badges or medals.  I do however, need support, and lots of it.  I need support from my Mom, my sisters, my friends, my husband, and my God, because like every other 'real' mom, I need help to raise these suckers to be the best dang kiddos they can be!

Happy Mother's Day to everyone who has ever stepped in, stepped up, and given a shit!  I don't care if you are foster mothers, single women, mentors, adoptive mothers, mothers who have lost their children, stepmoms, or 'real' moms.  You. CARED.  And for THAT, this day was made.

Hallelujah!  Holy Shit!  Where's the Tylenol?

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