Today? Today was a hard day.
If there was ever a time that I wanted to give up, today was that day.
I had a fairly blah day at work. It was nothing special. I got stuff done and that was that. I was just feeling kind of....unmoved, ya' know? I did have some anxiety this afternoon. For a split second, I thought about what would happen if our building just all of a sudden collapsed. Would it hurt? Would I feel anything? I pushed it out of my head as quickly as it came in, but I immediately felt worse.
Then, I got home and my trainer came over. I was NOT in the mood to work out. I was exhausted and anxious and just flat out not feeling it. She pushed me anyhow and I did a killer leg workout. I was on the verge of tears nearly the entire time.
By the end of the workout, I really felt like I could just sit down and cry right there. I really, really wanted to lay down on the couch and just bawl my eyes out. I was a bit of an emotional wreck.
Why? I don't know. I think it was a combination of anxiety, exhaustion, and PMS.
I wanted so badly to just sit down in the middle of my workout, stick out my bottom lip, cross my arms and say 'No! Not doin' it.' I wanted to have a meltdown, but I didn't. I stuck it out, finished what I needed to, and dragged my tired old ass upstairs.
Husband fed me grilled hamburgers and corn on the cob, gave me a 20 second hug, and left me to scroll through the entirety of the internet. I'm so thankful for him. He helps me decompress so much.
Now I think it's time for a hot shower, my trusty Target men's sweatpants, and some Friends and crocheting.
Here's to a better night and a better tomorrow!
If you suffer from anxiety and depression, please know that there is help and you can make it through to the other side! Therapy, meditation, and prayer are all things I utilize to get me through. I hope you find comfort knowing that there are people just like you, normal people, that have hard times, too. Reach out.