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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Tuesday Randomness in 5 steps

1.  I am fairly certain that I'm going to wear these sweatpants 'til the end of time.  They are the most comfortable sweatpants in the world!  I didn't get to wear them nearly as much as I wanted to over Spring Break, since we always had so much to do, re:  replacing the deck with a patio.

2.  We are fairly certain that the wooden deck on the back of our house was original to the house, so about 40+ years old.  When Rick yanked it out he found nearly all the brace boards underneath were rotted clean through.  He said he was surprised none of us had fallen through it!  Yikes.  The patio looks fantastic, though, but we still need to build a step, as it sits about a foot lower than the deck did.

3.  My husband's birthday is today!  Happy Birthday babe!  He's seriously amazing and I love him.  I was originally going to write a post listing 38 things I love about him, since he turned 38 today, but I thought it may seem a bit much.  Suffice to say that he is the best FOR ME.  That last part is pretty important.  He fits with me so well.  He is funny and silly and handsome and handy and flexes his arms for me whenever I ask him to.  I also like his behind.  It's cute.

4.  My stepdaughter turns 13 on Friday!  What?!  We will officially have a teenager in the house this weekend.  We'll get to celebrate with her on Saturday though, as she has a school dance Friday night.  We went dress shopping on Sunday and she got a cute, lacy mint dress with a little navy minibelt around the waist.  She looked so good in it!  It's the darker complexion and brown hair and eyes, so striking!  I have been in her life since she was 9 months old.  She is an amazing young lady and I am so privileged to be a part of her life.  That one is gonna do GREAT THINGS.  No matter what she does, she will do it with love and care, because that's who she is, through and through.  I'm excited to see where she goes!

5.  It has been 2 weeks since I've written anything.  I feel like such a bum.  I even forgot that the contest on my Facebook page ended on Saturday.  I'm so behind.  Please don't hold it against me, I will try to have more things to talk about this week.  However, in case you missed it, I gave away two books.  Brenda R. was the winner!  Yay for her!  Brenda, I will be getting a hold of you via e-mail.

Thanks everyone and have a great week!

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Top 10 St. Paddy's Day Parade Goers

1. The Shriners

A group of usually elderly men popping wheelies and otherwise carousing on motorcycles, dune buggies, a boat on a trailer, or otherwise.  Universally recognized by their red Fez hats and slightly questionable bands, (an Oriental band...Oriental, really?) they dazzle the little ones with their buggies and make adults jealous of their frat-like fun at all ages.

2. The Kids who Forget they are at a Parade

If we could all be as oblivious as this child, we'd all have a great time.  They are the ones staring at the clouds, pointing out the jets as they fly by, and in general having a good time because they are out somewhere doing something.  They give not a care in the world to the long stream of vehicles, the kids shoving each other, or the adults screaming.  They have their own little world and it is serenity.

3.  The Overly-competitive Parents

Ugh, I know we've all seen these parents and perhaps have even BEEN these parents on occasion.  They want to make sure their kids are front and center, people that sat back off the road to actually view the parade be damned!  Who cares if the other ones were there an hour early to get good seats?!  MY kids need CANDY!  Push my kid practically in front of a tractor for that lone Tootsie Roll?  You betcha!  They sit practically on the road, so that every passing police officer has to tell them to get their kids and the stroller back (for their safety, mind you).  It's amazing how many of these parents would normally be helicopter parents, ensuring that no one get germs on their 'precious', but have no qualms about their kids bobbing and weaving between traffic and shoving other kids down in the process, to grab that last mystery dum dum.

4.  The Demon Spawn

The Overly-Competitive Parents' Kids, usually.  These kids are one less (*ahem, excuse me, fewer) Dubble Bubble away from a total meltdown.  They shove the 2 year old out of the way for their chance at delicious, sugary glory and stomp their feet when they get passed by.  They are recognized by their literal and figurative snot-nose and the blood-curdling shriek that unfortunately, more than just dogs can hear.  If you are near one of these children, please know that we're all thinking the same thing.  "That's nothing a good swat on the ass couldn't cure, amirite?"

5.  The Tut-tutter

Ah yes, with all those irresponsible and rude people out there so willing to throw themselves or a loved one into harm's way, we also must have the tut-tutters.  They sit back and tut-tut the other people's choices.  They may also be known as the snide commenters, who tell That Annoying Guy that yells at every Float to 'shut the f*** up already' (under their breaths, of course).  The tut-tutters understand that with every action comes the necessary equal and opposite reaction and they are the opposite, dang it!  We got here early and just want to have a clear view of the parade!  I can't believe that guy just let his kid eat 10 suckers!  Can you believe that adult is partying so heartily?  For shame.  Tut-tutters sit back safely away from the street and are appalled when of course, the inevitable parent lets their child run around, edging dangerously closer to both them and the undercarriage of that classic car.

6.  The Sweet Kid

We have all seen that kid.  This is the one who is about 7 or older and understands that it's hard for little 2 and 4 year olds to get candy as fast as the others.  They willingly give up a few pieces for the younger ones that never had a chance.  They are also typically the ones who actually wave at the passing vehicles and make sure they aren't blocking other kids' and adults' views.  If you are lucky enough to raise one of these children, you've done parenting right.  The little girl in front of us did this for my friends' toddlers and was so sweet.  She also got quite a haul.  Good karma kid!

7.  That Annoying Guy that yells at every Float

His friends and possibly the surrounding crowd laughed at him once and so he has to beat that dead horse...over and over and over again.  "Hey, nice hat!"  "Get a load of that creepy ass leprechaun!"  "Beads!  Beads!"  "Throw me a koozie!  Koozie!  Kooooooziiiiiieeee!"  This guy is flat-out the most annoying person you'll run into today or ever.  He yells what he thinks is a funny comment at every single float and more than likely, is a misogynistic asshole that has to yell stuff at the roller derby chicks and other assorted women in the parade.  You really just need to punch this guy in the throat, but instead you stand back and tut-tut his behavior.  He just better not wake the baby!

8.  The Passed out Child

*phew*  The blissfully asleep child, acting like their parents slipped a little Irish whiskey into their formula/juicebox.  They made it 20 minutes into the awful 2 hour parade and are now drooling open-mouthed with their eyes closed in a stroller, on a blanket, in a Bjorn, or as we saw earlier today, up against a hay bale in the back of a float.  Please, Annoying Guy, hush your mouth!

9.  The Passed out/Party Hearty Adult

This person slipped a 5th of Irish whiskey into their Starbucks/flask/Solo cup and is now drooling open-mouthed slumped up against a tree or possibly curbside.  Conversely, they may also be jumping up and down and throwing the "Rock on!" hand sign to everyone as they cruise along on the back of their float, singing and gyrating along to "Pour some Sugar on Me" or "Blank Space".

As an aside, I have oft-wondered whether it's party hardy or party hearty.  I always tipped toward the hearty, but wanted to find some analysis.  On that note...

10.  The Actual Irish

Not counting the floats full of clans: O'Malleys, Shanahans, Hanrahans, Kellys, Connells, you may not see any of these actual people on the sidelines.  If you do, they're usually the quiet ones, nodding their heads and saying "Cool" every once in a while.  They sometimes where the "Kiss me, I'm Irish" T-shirts, but they are probably more likely sporting red or blonde hair and pasty white skin, accompanied by a shamrock on their face or a small button on their shirt. These guys have done it all before, for years, and are used to people proclaiming their awesomeness.  Yeah sure, it's nice to have the Saint that drove the snakes out of their homeland get honored by a whole country that's only partially filled with Irish persons, but they all know it's better to be able to claim that heritage, whether it comes with parades or not.  Besides, the Irish know how to party more than any other culture, rivalled only by the Germans.  They don't need one day, they have 365.

Happy St. Patrick's Day all you Irish and non-Irish!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Sweatpants and Friends

Today?  Today was a hard day.

If there was ever a time that I wanted to give up, today was that day.

I had a fairly blah day at work.  It was nothing special.  I got stuff done and that was that.  I was just feeling kind of....unmoved, ya' know?  I did have some anxiety this afternoon.  For a split second, I thought about what would happen if our building just all of a sudden collapsed.  Would it hurt?  Would I feel anything?  I pushed it out of my head as quickly as it came in, but I immediately felt worse.

Then, I got home and my trainer came over.  I was NOT in the mood to work out.  I was exhausted and anxious and just flat out not feeling it.  She pushed me anyhow and I did a killer leg workout.  I was on the verge of tears nearly the entire time.

By the end of the workout, I really felt like I could just sit down and cry right there.  I really, really wanted to lay down on the couch and just bawl my eyes out.  I was a bit of an emotional wreck.

Why?  I don't know.  I think it was a combination of anxiety, exhaustion, and PMS.

I wanted so badly to just sit down in the middle of my workout, stick out my bottom lip, cross my arms and say 'No!  Not doin' it.'  I wanted to have a meltdown, but I didn't.  I stuck it out, finished what I needed to, and dragged my tired old ass upstairs.

Husband fed me grilled hamburgers and corn on the cob, gave me a 20 second hug, and left me to scroll through the entirety of the internet.  I'm so thankful for him.  He helps me decompress so much.

Now I think it's time for a hot shower, my trusty Target men's sweatpants, and some Friends and crocheting.

Here's to a better night and a better tomorrow!

If you suffer from anxiety and depression, please know that there is help and you can make it through to the other side!  Therapy, meditation, and prayer are all things I utilize to get me through.  I hope you find comfort knowing that there are people just like you, normal people, that have hard times, too.  Reach out.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Tuesday 5 is Alive!

1.  I just got home from my stepson's musical on the Nifty Fifties.  It's so cute to see 7th and 8th graders in a play.  Most of them are brand new to it and they all have so much enthusiasm.  My stepson played a nerd, with taped up glasses, sweater vest, and a bowtie.  Too cute!  I was in our school's play (we only did one a year) when I was in high school, but never got more than bit parts.  They dulled my sparkle, y'all!  Nah, not really.  I still had a blast and I have lots of pictures from most of the shows.  Imagine that, me, the middle child, seeking attention through acting.  I still dance wherever I am and usually sing, hum, or whistle, too.

2.  My Mom and Dad came down on Saturday to hang out with us for a while.  They needed to do a little shopping, so we tagged along.  We had to make the obligatory stop at Sam's Club.  Free samples galore on Saturdays.  Score!  I always have fun going shopping with my parents.  I feel like a kid again, tagging along and just chatting with them about everything.  My Mom and Dad are pretty funny, too.  We have a lot of comedians in my family.  We are a pretty sarcastic family, so any smartassery I learned, I came by it naturally, as did all of my siblings.

3.  Speaking of sarcasm, I actually had a boyfriend tell me once that I was too sarcastic.  C'est moi?!  Too sarcastic?  Ha.  I thought up until that point that he had a sense of humor.  Clearly not as refined as mine.

4.  Some of my favorite jokes are based in puns.  I love me some corny jokes.  The knee slappers, the guffawers, those are my faves.  My husband was listening to a podcast about movies and they were discussing Jaws and he thought of me because they started telling shark jokes.  What's a shark's favorite sammich?  Peanut butter and jellyfish of course!  The Laffy Taffy jokes?  Those are my favorites.  See above where I reference my 'refined sense of humor'.  I actually quite enjoy British humor as well.  Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and AbFab are some of my favorites.

5.  I found out a cool thing about my county extension office a few weeks ago.  They give out a voucher for a free compost bin!  I picked mine up today.  It is one that will hold up to 216 gallons of stuff.  I can't believe they give them away.  That's awesome!  I cannot wait to get mine started.  We already only put our trash out once every few weeks, due to the recycling program in the county.  Now we will have even less.  How cool is that?

Have a great week everyone and don't forget to 'like' my Facebook page.  I currently have a contest going on to win a pair of books!  Bonzai Book Bonanza will go on for another 10 days, so be sure to like and share my page and complete an entry form for your chance to win!

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Tuesday Random 5-by!

1.  This is how I feel right now:

No, I don't feel like Jim Harbaugh, but I understand his pain.  Ever since I started eating healthier and really limiting my carbs, my craving for all sugary carby deliciousness starts clamoring every once in a while.  Today is one of those once in a whiles.  Oh, to have a moist white cake with a yummy coconut buttercream!  Mmmmm.

2.  I finished "Yes Please" by Amy Poehler this week and started "The Betrothed" by Alessandro Manzoni.  "Yes Please" was funny most of the time, but sometimes felt a little forced.  I liked most of it, but some of it really felt like she was either pandering, or really trying to distance herself from her audience.  I gave it 4 stars (out of 5) because it was a quick and easy read and was funny more often that not.  "The Betrothed" has already piqued my interest and I am excited to delve further.  I have added a couple more to my list.  Steve Martin's "Born Standing Up:  A Comic's Life" and "The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri Nouwen.  See a theme here?  I just hope Steve Martin doesn't disappoint me.  

3.  Here's a good debatable question:  What is the best animated series from the 90s?  I would say either Rugrats, Animaniacs, or Tiny Toon Adventures.  There is an argument to be made for Hey Arnold as well.  I have to say another of my favorites, but short-lived series, was Rocko's Modern Life.  What about you?

4.  Yesterday was Dr. Seuss's birthday.  He was a great writer and really changed the landscape of children's books forever.  My favorite of his is "If I Ran the Zoo".  Our local library had a vinyl album with a recording of that on one side and another on the other.  I don't remember what was on the other side, but I remember checking the book out with it and listening to it and following along over and over again.  I probably borrowed that from the library 50 times as a kid.  What's your favorite Dr. Seuss book?

5.  I have been crocheting like mad lately.  When you get into a rhythm, it is so relaxing.  I am probably a third of the way done with my current project.  I'm so excited to see what it will look like finished.  It's a gift and I can't wait to give it.  I'm so excited!

P.S.--My husband would like to point out that I am a big dork, because I was super duper, triple deluxe excited that I thought of, and am using, the title of this post!  I was positively giddy.  If loving puns makes me a dork then I am happy to carry that banner!!  Come join me on the...

Have a great week everyone!